the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
