So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
