so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
