I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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