My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
