whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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