I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
