Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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