If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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