You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
