wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
