I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize