I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
