You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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