I've blown a few things in my day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
MIDGETS
????
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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