That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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