i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You're like the curious george of whores
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
