My Higher Power is John Stamos
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
