I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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