I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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