I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
