He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
