I seem to have left my pride at pride
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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