I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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