Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
