i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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