When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
