you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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