Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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