i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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