There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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