Just fell off a train. Bad.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
