You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
