I am puke
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
