All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
