I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
