You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want a musical about memes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
