guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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