You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
