i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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