I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
