I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
