North Korea, Best Korea!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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