you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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