it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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