$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
