i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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