First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
