last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
