Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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