Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
