where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want a musical about memes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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