Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize