Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
