That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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