i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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