i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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