don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
