It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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