I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
