I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
