paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
