The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
