It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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