I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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