This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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