SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize