Im at strip club and am horny
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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