went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
