Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
