Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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