Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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