Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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