Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize