There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
