jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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