The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
