There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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