I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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