I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
