I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am available for nakedness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
