I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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