Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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