Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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