Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We left an ass print on the piano.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
