I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's shark week go big or go home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
