Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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