You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Less talking, more tequila
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
