we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's like iHOP with fire
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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