tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
