someone threw a dead crab at me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
