nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
