She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
