I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
