I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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