sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
