It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
