Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
