We're facebook friends in real life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
