I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
