i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
